Long Run 10

Having had to take a forced break the previous weekend due to a muscle pull, I was both apprehensive and determined to make up for lost ground this weekend. I had a great set up for the weekend run with lots of salads and whole grains, early bed times and wake ups and a generally healthy week in the lead up. Anxiety was high on Friday night as I prepared to sleep but I told myself to worry less, be in the moment and loosen up, to really enjoy the run. I thought of the fresh smell of grass and bamboo, the nippy early morning air, the colours in the sky as the day dawned...to experience these was one of the big attractions to get up and get out. It helped me settle down and put myself to bed. I had veiled ambitions to attempt something more than 25K but I couldn't even muster the strength to admit that to myself. I was scared.

I started my run by 5:20. As is often the case in our great city of Bangalore, the entire section of streetlights from the Cubbon Park aquarium entrance to the tennis stadium were switched off. It was pitch black literally and I just had to trot along in the hope that I didn't step on a sleeping dog or a broken beer bottle. I went into today's run with lingering doubts about my muscle pulls and blisters and the 2 week gap between my last long run. All fears were allayed and I was running a little harder than usual. I timed 6 splits today of 5K each. My first 4 splits were all an even 38 minutes. This tells me that even as the distance piles up, I'm not slowing down and I'm able to maintain a consistent pace without much effort now. After I hit the 20K mark, the miles started to sink in. I slowed, began to flounder. My right ankle hurt. A lot. Then my back. A lot. Then a beautiful german shepherd decided to run right into me and threw me off the trail. The inclines suddenly seemed insurmountable. All things were conspiring to end my run by the 22-23K mark. It was then that I kept repeating a few mantras in my head that morphed from mere mantras to self-evident truths. Gandhi said real strength does not come from physical capacity but from an indomitable will. Mere words but so true. The other is the Rararmuri saying that "when you run on the earth and with the earth, you can run forever". I scratched the surface of both these truths today I feel. At times I felt I was dizzy and going to collapse. At times hunger hit me hard. Thirst too. When I tried to force down a biscuit or cashew, my stomach heaved. But despite everything...the pain, the hunger, the thirst I somehow managed to summon reservoirs of strength I didn't know I had. Every time my head dropped, my shoulders slouched I could will something out from deep down which saw my back straighten, my arms come up again and helped me keep going.

At 25K I knew I had to push on and push on I did. That last 5K was very slow but I wasn't too concerned. When I did hit the 30K mark, it was a surge of adrenaline and a wave of joy. I involuntarily let out a yell of delight and a pump of the fists. It felt good. I felt good. I stretched and then surprised myself with a jaunty walk back to the car, singing out loud. In all my previous training over the last 9 years, I've probably never run a 30K training run nor have I been on my feet for 4 hours straight. There really is no other way. If you want to run long, then you have to run long. My recovery too has been excellent. My confidence is slowing rising...a quiet sort...a humble sort of confidence. Inclines are still killing me. And a section of the Kaveri course is supposed to be one big incline. I'm still carrying weight that is better shed. But for now I'll raise a silent toast to a good, honest run today.